B-Boy Limping


Fiona Apple looked at me this weekend…
June 28, 2012, 7:53 am
Filed under: Hey Ladieesss!, Music, sometimes i like to do things with dolls

And then she went back to singing.

BUT I CAN STILL FEEL HER LOOKING YOU GUYSSSSSSSS.

Now I’m gonna do something really immature:


La la la la la

Ugh, who farted you guys? Tryin’ to sing here.


Breathe, Apple. Keep it together.


 I can’t even look at you right now.


Just kidding! La la la la la

[At Governor’s Ball, Randall’s Island, 6/24]



Afternoon Reading
December 27, 2011, 2:32 pm
Filed under: sometimes i like to do things with dolls



Holiday shoppin’

You guys, it’s already December! I seriously need to get started on my holiday shopping. Luckily Warner Bros. Records has made it so easy for me to find the perfect gift for every member of my family.

I think my dad would dig these  Mastodon steins because he 1) loves porcelain, 2) is a huge fan of metal, and 3) drinks beer. They’re basically perfect!

My mother, on the other hand, is a candy fiend who dreams of being surrounded by babies (or so it seems like when she’s all like “when are you having babies?” Huh? HUH???), so I think for her these Flaming Lips gummy fetuses will work just fine. They’re edible AND have a USB drive with a new song embedded in the cranium.

I hope she likes them, because these puppies are gonna run me $150. Ouch.

My sister is a little trickier to shop for. However, she’s a gardener who also loves New Wave, so I think this Devo “Energy Dome” hat / upside down flower pot should do the trick.

And my brother-in-law is a piece of cake. He wishes he were a Southern rapper but he also has to go to work in an office every day (borrringggg), so these temporary Gucci Mane face tatts and Brick Squad bandanna are just what he needs for his weekend carousing:


Just like Gucci!

But guys, I deserve a present too. We all know I love smooth crooners, especially Canadian ones, and am all about underwear that looks like it doesn’t breathe. Obviously, these are perfect:

Michael Bublé knows just what a girl wants.

Happy Holidays!

[Marketwire]



Scenes from the Hipster Puppy Pageant


You like my emo butt stars?

Well I dig your retro phone, mama.

I go both ways…

…if you know what I mean.

Ironic Lampshade is the name of my band.

I wonder if anyone can smell my fart.

BORED.


DRUNK.

HIGH.


WHAT IS LIFE.


I just took a dump over there I’m so hipster American Apparel on my butt aaaaaaahhhhhh.

My headphones aren’t even plugged in.

Goin’ to a rave right after this.

[whispering] Fuck you.

I only know three chords but I make up for it with style.

Hey girrrrl, wanna get out of here and grab a bite? I brought my own PBR.

Fine, whatever, look, I have a show I’ve got to get to.

No, it’s cool, you’re not on the list anyway.

[whispering] Fuck you.

[Hipster Puppy Pageant, powerHouse Books, 8/25/2011]



One of these things is not like the others
August 25, 2011, 8:55 am
Filed under: art, New York, sometimes i like to do things with dolls

Can you spot it?

Sad cyclops.

Portrait sculpture at the Noguchi Museum.



Lion gonna knock you out
April 30, 2011, 6:58 am
Filed under: Nature!, sometimes i like to do things with dolls

Nahhh, he’s a friendly lion. Lion gonna give you a fist bump.

Put ‘er there:



hipster egg
April 25, 2011, 10:59 pm
Filed under: sometimes i like to do things with dolls | Tags:

“faceless in the crowd.”



But MJ had so many questions…
March 16, 2011, 2:16 pm
Filed under: oy oy oy, sometimes i like to do things with dolls



“Scratchin’ my butt”
March 13, 2011, 5:10 pm
Filed under: art, New York, sometimes i like to do things with dolls

 

#TheArmoryShow2011



Spider-man made me uncomfortable…
November 25, 2010, 4:22 pm
Filed under: New York, sometimes i like to do things with dolls

…today at the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade.

I mean, I guess it was sort of my fault? He was shy at first, and woulda just floated on by, but I had to say something.

“Hi Spider-Man, what’s up. I’m B-Boy.”


“Oh, hey gurl. That’s a cool name.”

Awesome. Spider-Man and I were totally gonna make out. But then, guys, he creeps up a little more, and:


BAM! Ass in my face. For like, a minute.

“Like what you see gurl?”

“Um…”

I didn’t know what to do, so I closed my eyes.

And when I opened them again, he was gone.

Happy Thanksgiving!

P.S. The building on the left is The Dakota. John Lennon fans know what I’m sayin’.