B-Boy Limping

Once when I was in high school I was walking down the street when a stranger pulled up next to me in his car and said “don’t give it up until you have a ring on your finger” (This actually happened). Instead of running away I thanked the man and said yes, he had a point, and I would take his advice under consideration.

Anyway, a decade later that route is shot to hell. So I have a new plan: watch Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker, write down all the rules given by Patti Stanger, founder of the Millionaire’s Club, and follow them to the best of my ability. So far, here’s what I have:

1) Wear really slutty stilettos when going out. It’s even hotter if you wobble and look like you’re on the verge of breaking your ankles.
2) Don’t say how old you are until the third date. (Note to youngsters: this is also a great way to get alcohol if you’re underage). And,
3) Boobies, boobies, boobies.

Granted, I didn’t glean much from the show. But in my defense, it’s grating and there are lots of shiny objects, mainly breasts, that distract me. However, Patti did give me one quote for inspiration, helping me to set the bar for my standards: “When a guy says he drives a corvette it’s like saying I have a vagina.”

Ooh la la. Where do I sign?

And they thought they should be in the Catherine Opie exhibit.